He Changed My Life.

I was a rebellious wild girl when I met him. I did not take drugs or smoke or drink but running away from home was my routine. I did not run away to my friends’ houses or to my grandmother’s house but I ran away to neighbouring countries. I thought, my parents would easily find me if I run away to my friends’ or my grandparents’. Besides, money is not a problem to me. My parents feed me with loads of money ever since I was born.

The first time I ran away to Singapore really made them worried. They, themselves, went there to pick me up. I was enjoying a week without them before they found me in Singapore. They took me home and grounded me for a month. I was home-schooled and was never let out for a month. Not even to the porch of my house. I was guarded 24 hours, seven days without fail. But as my punishment came towards the end, I was planning to run away again.

I cannot stand to stay for long at home. My parents always fight and bickering. I was the eldest and I was the wildest. I did not care about how I am the eldest and should portray some good examples for my younger siblings. In my mind, they were just kids and did not understand a thing about life. My parents had me when they were too young. They thought of giving me away but both sides of my grandparents’ stopped them from doing so. That was also the reason why my brother was born 13 years after my birth. Since I was stopped from being given away, they blamed each other whenever I did something wrong. They never did blame me for what I did.

The second time I ran away, I ran to Australia. So far, that was the furthest and the longest I ever made for my run away life. It took them a month to locate my whereabouts. I even thought that they finally let me off this time. They took me home and grounded me again. This time, I was grounded for six months. For one whole month the guards guarded me well. Entering the second month, they started to take it easy. During the third month, I managed to ask a friend to help me sneak out despite the fact that all kind of communication with the outside world was cut off.

For the third time, I ran away from home again. I took even more money than before and less clothes and luggage. I ran away to Bali, Indonesia and asked a friend of mine to cover me up. In Bali, I met Zahrin, the man who changed my life. He is a Malaysian who lived there because of his father worked there. His house was next to the hotel I stayed in Bali. He is two years older than me. I made friend with him because of the same nationality and he acted like a brother to me.

I first met him at the beach near the hotel where I stayed. He caught my attention as I heard him talked in Malay and not in Indonesian. I came to him and chatted around just to satisfy my curiosity. That was when I knew he is a Malaysian. I befriend with him, since then. It was great to befriend with someone who did not know anything about me because they would not judge me as everyone else around did to me.

Zahrin taught me through his ways about valuable lessons of life. Even though he came from a broken family, he maintains good relationship with both of his parents. When he invited me to his house, I was hesitating because I was ashamed with him. But his father, Uncle Farith, insisted on inviting me to come over. Zahrin was surprised when I came alone. He asked me about my parents. That was when I told him everything about my situation. Even after I told Zahrin about my wild life, he did not judge me and even advised me as a big brother would do.

They told me that I should call my parents and tell them my whereabouts. I insisted on not calling them and just let them be. Zahrin and his father could not do anything about it. They invite me to stay over at their house rather than staying at the hotel and spend all my money. I could not resist as I did not have much money left. I was grateful that I was able to experience the greatness of having a loving family while staying with Zahrin’s family.

Zahrin’s step-mother, Aunt Ifaa Wirna, is a lovely lady and for the first time, I can feel the motherly touch. His twin little sisters, Aimy and Sarah, are adorable and made me reminded of my little brother and sister. After a week staying with them, my father’s first men came to pick me up. They were smarter this time and locate me within two weeks since my disappearance. Zahrin and his family sent me to the airport and watched me off. While waiting for my flight, memories with Zahrin came up and repeatedly playing in my head.

His words came through my mind, “Love is not something you create within your heart. It is not even gifted from your parents. It is a feeling of care and tender to someone you would not dare to lose.”

All this while, I thought I never love or being loved by my parents. I always thought my birth is bliss in disguise for them. But to think that one day I would never see them again, make me want to cherish this life and this moment with them. And that is when I know, I love my parents and I would not dare to lose them. Through Zahrin, God made me realize about the existence of love in my heart. And the existence of Zahrin made me realize, I need a man like him in my life. He really changed my life.

In My Heart, He Lives.

I approached the young man with a smile on my face. He looks like his father. In fact, he resembles his father in a lot of ways. I can’t help but to look at him whenever I missed his father. It’s the only way, now that his father is no longer living with us.

Six years ago, I was married to a man I never knew. He was my parents’ choice. I can’t do anything regarding this because their decision was final and will never be changed, unless one of us died. But I could not kill him, or myself. So I had to live on with the decision made for me. We were engaged for about three months but I felt like it was only three minutes. Time really flied when you want it to wait even longer.

The big day came, and I got married to him. Not to my knowledge, he was reluctant to get married too. He was just like me, to disobey is beyond the sky but to follow is beyond the sea. It was hard to do both, but had to live on with one. His parents wanted us to live with them until our financial stabilize.

In front of our parents, we had to put on a mask. We pretended to be nice, loving and caring to each other. But we did not hate each other behind our parents’ back. We just did not really that loving, caring and nice to each other. We helped each other with chores and we looked as we lived as husband and wife but deep inside, we only lived as roommates.

Time passed by, something weird stirring my heart. I began to love his care, his kisses and hugs, his tender and everything about him. Even though I know it might not real and fake, but I love it anyway. All these feelings I had, I kept it alone, afraid that it was only me.

One day, his parents were away overseas for some outstation work for a week. I came home late from work, so I went straight to our room and cleaned myself. I wanted to drink a glass of water before going to bed, when a sudden blackout happened.

I knew my husband was home earlier than me even though I did not see him anywhere in our room or in the house. So I went outside and shouted for his name. He replied my shouts and asked me to follow the candles trails on the staircase and on the floor. Weirdly, I didn’t notice it was there before.

Nevertheless, I followed his instructions which led me outside the house and to the garden, where he set up a beautiful candle light dinner. I was shocked and surprised because his parents were away, so I began to wonder, to whom did him pretending to?

He led me to my seat and had me seated, and then he sat in front of me. He cooked me my favourite dish, and he treated me like a queen. We did not speak to each other until dinner was finished. Before I could say a word, he explained to me why he did all these surprises.

He fell in love with me, sometime after our marriage. Since, his care, his tender and loving act, was not pretending. He only did it in front of our parents because he was afraid I would rebel, as he knows I am a rebellious girl. But today, he said braved himself and confess to me. To his joy, I confessed to him too.

Returning from their trip, his parents said there was a glow in our faces, a glow that was never there before. We knew why but we tend to keep it to our little secrets. A few months after, I was told that I was pregnant. Our parents jumped overjoy because this would be their first grandchild ever. I am the first daughter while my husband is the only child.

I was taken care by both of my mother and mother-in-law. They banned me from doing any hard works and just let me to rest. The best part was, my husband got all the morning-sickness while I was just fine and craving for things. Seven and a half month later, I delivered my baby prematurely but healthy. It is a he and he is big. He weighed 4.2 kilograms when I had to deliver him. Who knows how big would he be if he was delivered on time?

My father-in-law was the happiest person when we break the news that my baby is a boy. He is the first child and his father and grandfather was the first child and he has a son as first and only child. And now, his son has a son as his first child. As a celebration to this, we let him named our child.

As a result, my son is Adam Danial. He is everyone’s love of life and he is cared and loved by all his aunts and uncles, grandfathers and grandmothers, and his beloved dad and mom. At the moment, I thought my life was perfect enough. I had understanding parents and family, wonderful parents-in-law, loving husband and cute son.

But life was never too wonderful to live. My husband was on a trip to Oslo when the plane he's on crashed in an ocean near Oslo. His body was never found, but so do the other passengers' bodies. The local policemen made a search for two weeks but they never found him and the others. Then, they announced that all of them are dead, seeing the situation in the ocean was freezing and cold. They could not survive even if they were not died in the crash.

I never remarried because to me, he lived in my heart.

A Letter to My Beloved.

The death of a husband is something you would never expect. But a letter that comes with it is even more shocking. Ever since I heard the news about his death, I keep questioning why he didn’t even tell me about it. And now, he answered my question a little earlier that I could expect. My sister-in-law, Aimy, gave it to me a day after his funeral.

I never thought it would be a love letter from the dead man. And this is how it sounded in the letter.

To the flower that blossom in my heart,

Thinking that you actually will read this, something had happened to me. I’m sorry that I’m not able to tell you the truth about my condition earlier.

Aha, the reason why I wrote you this letter is that I want to explain to you about this condition I was talking earlier on in this letter. I was diagnosed of this illness about two nights before we got married. Of course, I could cancel our wedding before it was too late. But the selfishness in me just won’t go. I want to live this life to the fullest. I want to live this life with you even if it meant for a second. I thought I could be strong living by your side and act like nothing happen.

But I was wrong. Everyday, seeing you happy living by me, it hurts in my heart. The pain from the illness was nothing compared to the pain I felt all this while looking at you, knowing that you didn’t have a single clue about me. Looking at you, it hurts to know that one day I won’t be there by your side to see you be happy like I always see you. Looking at you at that time, it made me hurt just to know that one day, you will be reading this letter, and yet I’m not there to wipe your tears away.

I’m sorry that you have to bear with this. I’m sorry that I left you alone to endure this hardship. I’m sorry that I didn’t give you a chance to be by my side while I’m doing my treatment. I’m sorry if I ever hurt you. I’m you if this letter bothers you the most now. I’m sorry for everything that happens.

I want you to know, and to always keep this in you mind, being with you is one of my happiest moments. I love to be around you, I love to entertain you, I love to see you and I love to be entertained by you. Being without you even for a day made me goes crazy. I’m sorry that I’m saying this. I sounded so selfish but now I’m gone and you’re going to live days without me. I know you would do great because you are the flower that blossom in my heart.

I know you would wake up and be fine because you are strong. I know you would be okay because you are the one that I loved. With this love we raised together, please keep it safe in your heart and let it live till your heart stop pounding. Please, even if there would be another love come and blossom in your heart.

You know, love, even when I said this to you, I still hope that one day you will remarried and be happy like you do when you were with me. Because you are the only flower that blossom in my heart, I know you can face this letter strongly and bravely as you face this hardship I left for you.

Sincerely love and will always love,

Yours truly, Zahrin.

With the letter that I hold close to my heart, I cried deeply. That was the last time I cried for his lost. The letter he sent me really made my life. He changed my life.

To My Childhood Love.

I never remember when we met. Maybe that’s because it’s too long ago, when we were small little kids. All I know, I met you; I knew you and I want to know you more and I want to see you more.

You told me that you always remember the time when we first met. You said, you saw me walked down the hill and was singing and dancing happily. When you came to say hi, I was so shocked that I fell down, trampled, get my clothes dirty and cried loudly. You felt so guilty that you tried hard to make it clean once more and to stop me from crying.

Every time you told me this, it never changed. All the little bits and details were the same from the first you told me until the last time I heard you talked about it. That made me believed every word you said, every time you told.

The story didn't end there. You continued to do things that could stop me from crying so that mom wouldn’t hear you and scold you out. You run to the nearest shop which is 200 metres away just to buy me one lollipop and that didn't stop me from crying. You danced like crazy but I was still crying. Then you make weird faces but I was crying even louder.

Didn't know what else to do, you cried with me. Seeing you cried suddenly, stopped me from crying even more. You said, I asked you about why you cried. You answered me like this; “if there’s nothing else for me to do to stop you from crying, let me, at least, cry with you so that you won’t be alone.” With these words, you managed to make me smile and stop pouring out my tears. After that, you even said; “I will never leave you alone.”

Even in the state that I never did remember that day, I thought what he said was beautiful. For a little boy whose age was 5 trying to console a little girl aged 4 that was something remarkable.

There was once I doubted the story you told me, so I asked mom in case I told her about it. But mom said she never heard of such boy. At that time, I was thinking, maybe I did not tell her about my childhood love. That is all the reason why she did not know.

But your conversation with your sister really bothers me. I overheard she said; “please, don’t keep on lying to her about what didn’t exist. Just tell her the truth. Tell her that all the beautiful words were lie. Tell her that you were just playing on some game with your friends.”

My heart thumped like it never did before. I was hoping for you to deny everything and say that all you told me were some real words. But you did the other way round.

Clearly, I heard you said; “I’m sorry, I can’t. The game is just getting better. She trusted me and she would give the thing I’ll ask later. She never says no to me. She is one good girl to play with.”

“You definitely have something wrong with your head. You are her friend since your childhood. How could you do this to her? You gave her hope, now, then. Who knows what you will do later?” Your sister said dearly.

Without hesitate you return her words with these harshness; “Then, what do you want me to do? Tell her the ugly truth, that I met her on the day her father killed our family? Tell her that I only befriend with her just to find the right time to have my revenge? No, you won’t be hearing that coming out from my mouth in front of her. She just won’t get away from this.”

"You told me that it was just a mere game you had with your friends. And now you said, you actually did this for revenge? I don't even know you anymore." And I thought your sister was the closest person to you.

I never thought that all the time since we met until that moment, I was deceived by a man I trusted and loved with all my life. I never thought that one day I would be hearing that from you. I really hope that I was dreaming and that when I wake up, everything would be off my sight and you will be there, right in front of me, saying that you will never leave me alone.

But I guess, I was hoping too much from a guy who has nothing to offer me, a guy who hated me all his life, a guy who has the heart to fake all the love he poured to me.

I know you would be reading this someday, but I hope that day will come after I have gone and no longer live in the same world as you do. I don’t know if I could stand before you and look at you laughing at me about this. But I do know this, I will never be alone, as your hatred always come chasing me until the day I die.

And because I know that you would read this somehow, someday, I just want you to know that even if you always hated me, I will always love you. That’s one thing I would never regret and just so you know, knowing you is one of the best thing that happened in my life.

P/s; I just dreamed of you last night. I was your wife. How could that be true? Maybe in the next life, I just want to be your wife.

Biggest Crime.

The lights suddenly went out during the History test. The exam hall was pitch black as all the curtains were not drawn over. No lights could enter, and no emergency lights were occupied. Unexpectedly, all the students remain silent as no sound was heard. Mrs Elaine, our Physics teacher who was there to monitor us, said, "Please remain calm and quiet and please be seated at your seat, we will take care of the blackouts and extra time will be given equivalent to the time loss."

After a few minutes, the lights were back. Even though, everyone looked suspiciously quiet and calm, the test was continued without any further delay. After an hour and a half, the test ended without any other dramatic event. No one speaks of the blackout after the test. With all the papers to sit and worry about, the students and teachers were busy struggling for the best.

Only a month later, after the trial examination ended, the talk about the blackout raised among the teachers when the results were out. Suspiciously, no one failed in History paper and almost everyone had perfect score for the objective part and managed to get more than 70% for overall. The question was, how did the results suddenly went up when the last time it was one of the worst in the school history?

Then, the blackout incident came to everyone's mind. Was it intentionally or was it just a mere accident? The four teacher who were in charge at that time were summoned to the principal's office to testify the incident. The whole blackout thing was suddenly became a major issue, where there were possibilities of massive cheating happened.

The first teacher, Mrs Elaine, who testified said, "No one said a word other than the teachers. It was unexpectedly quiet and calm. I was weird of this but said nothing as massive cheating did not hit my thought. Even though no voice was heard showing that no shock was emitted as if it was planned to be so, no sound of movement was heard either showing that the students remain at their seats."

The second eye witness, Mrs Shakeya, reported that no movement was detected, no giggles was heard, and no smiles were caught seen after the blackout. She said again, the students were almost seen like blurred by the situation and was just following the instructions to remain silent.

Mr Kim, the sole man of the teachers, witness nothing as he has night-blindness which means he cannot see anything in pitch black. While the other teachers said almost the same thing, something that hits along the line, the final eye witness and testifier, said a different thing. Mrs Noura reported that the only thing she saw was a white figure flying over the students.

The incident was put on trials by the School Court and Judgement System. The defendants were all the students who sat for the paper, while the plaintiffs were the school itself. All results were suspended from being informed to the parents and students until the case was solved. The trials was held for about two weeks, 14 days in a row. Even Sundays and Saturdays were trial-days. This showed that this case had taken attention from all sides of the schools.

The school reporters made live reports during the trials, the news were updated instantly online. Parents, students, teachers, everyone was eager to find out the truth.

During the trials, 28 students were summoned to testify. Testimonies were taken from each one of the students and teachers involved. Technicians were taken to the scene to check the wires and connections to gain evidence. Answers of the papers were checked thoroughly, many times to avoid mistakes being done.

On day tenth, the judges; the principal and the discipline teachers, almost came to a dead end. The mystery still wanders around the thoughts. Then, came in the idea to use a lie detector, polygraph. However, the idea was not taken seriously as to rent it requires a lot of money. Alternatively, Mrs Elaine and Mrs Xena, the principal and the Biology teacher, together with Mrs Noura, a Chemistry teacher, proposed an idea derived from the concept of polygraph.

They made a do-it-yourself lie detector, using the Science. The existence of the lie detector was not told to public as it may cause the smart students to do something. Therefore, another 28 students were called upon secretly without anyone knows the reasons why they were summoned. After they were test with the self-made-polygraph, they were quarantined until all 28 students were done being tested.

The results were not announced on that day, but instead, they were told on the final day of trial. The final day of trial was a little bit different. It was more grand than the other day as it was the D-day. It was held at the primary school's exam hall, as it was the biggest hall in school with stage provided. 

The hall was packed with people. The students involved had already taken half of the hall, the teachers took a quarter, the rest was filled by parents. The other students and more parents were located at the assembly ground just outside the hall with big screen to watch what happened inside.

As defendants, we were given our last chance to defend ourselves and prove our innocence. We had the school's top debaters as our rightfully lawyers. While that, the teachers had lawyer parents to prove them right. As debaters went all out going against the lawyers, the situation became more nerve-wrecking than ever. Finally, the decision was read by the head judge, the principal.

Victory was not on our side as we lost the case. We were proven guilty of committing massive cheating. The decision was already decided before the D-day that was on the day when they did the polygraph test. Out of the 28 students, only two students passed the test. The rest of them failed, thus proved that we were guilty. The two students who passed were not involved and knew nothing. Therefore, they were excluded from the punishment.

Out of 104 students, 95 students were involved in incited, being abettor, planning and executing the plan. The nine students who were not involved were either, not knowing of the existence of the plan or decided not to join in or absence on the day. The rest of us were punished to retook the test, all the positions we had were put on hold for three straight months which means until the beginning of SPM, every Sundays and Saturdays were schooling days until SPM comes, and we were banned from all sorts of activities.

That  was the biggest crime I ever made during my school days. It was a good memory to recall back even though it was a dark one. It was the only crime that involves almost all the students in my batch. It was surely one thing that I will never forget for eternity.