A Letter to My Beloved.

The death of a husband is something you would never expect. But a letter that comes with it is even more shocking. Ever since I heard the news about his death, I keep questioning why he didn’t even tell me about it. And now, he answered my question a little earlier that I could expect. My sister-in-law, Aimy, gave it to me a day after his funeral.

I never thought it would be a love letter from the dead man. And this is how it sounded in the letter.

To the flower that blossom in my heart,

Thinking that you actually will read this, something had happened to me. I’m sorry that I’m not able to tell you the truth about my condition earlier.

Aha, the reason why I wrote you this letter is that I want to explain to you about this condition I was talking earlier on in this letter. I was diagnosed of this illness about two nights before we got married. Of course, I could cancel our wedding before it was too late. But the selfishness in me just won’t go. I want to live this life to the fullest. I want to live this life with you even if it meant for a second. I thought I could be strong living by your side and act like nothing happen.

But I was wrong. Everyday, seeing you happy living by me, it hurts in my heart. The pain from the illness was nothing compared to the pain I felt all this while looking at you, knowing that you didn’t have a single clue about me. Looking at you, it hurts to know that one day I won’t be there by your side to see you be happy like I always see you. Looking at you at that time, it made me hurt just to know that one day, you will be reading this letter, and yet I’m not there to wipe your tears away.

I’m sorry that you have to bear with this. I’m sorry that I left you alone to endure this hardship. I’m sorry that I didn’t give you a chance to be by my side while I’m doing my treatment. I’m sorry if I ever hurt you. I’m you if this letter bothers you the most now. I’m sorry for everything that happens.

I want you to know, and to always keep this in you mind, being with you is one of my happiest moments. I love to be around you, I love to entertain you, I love to see you and I love to be entertained by you. Being without you even for a day made me goes crazy. I’m sorry that I’m saying this. I sounded so selfish but now I’m gone and you’re going to live days without me. I know you would do great because you are the flower that blossom in my heart.

I know you would wake up and be fine because you are strong. I know you would be okay because you are the one that I loved. With this love we raised together, please keep it safe in your heart and let it live till your heart stop pounding. Please, even if there would be another love come and blossom in your heart.

You know, love, even when I said this to you, I still hope that one day you will remarried and be happy like you do when you were with me. Because you are the only flower that blossom in my heart, I know you can face this letter strongly and bravely as you face this hardship I left for you.

Sincerely love and will always love,

Yours truly, Zahrin.

With the letter that I hold close to my heart, I cried deeply. That was the last time I cried for his lost. The letter he sent me really made my life. He changed my life.